First, the good news! The economy added 18,000 jobs last month! This tsunami in employment was fueled by millions of workers over the age of 40, who finally took matters into their own hands.
Having fruitlessly hunted for jobs for 10 years straight, these determined oldsters finally got on their bikes and went out looking for bottles and cans on the side of the road on the rumor that Walmart would redeem them for two cents each.
Although the rumor proved false, 17,999 people found piecework repairing bicycle tires, and one found a part-time job running a blog that explains to the few who still don't know it that the "green" movement we've heard so much about never really got started in the U.S.
"Look, nobody but one scruffy apartment complex in Brattleboro, Ver., and a couple of visiting Scandinavians actually recycles anything," he pointed out laconically.
So what's the bad news? Well, it's that Americans aren't necessarily getting dumber; it's just that we have no place to go to get smart.
SCHOOLS, BOOKS AND VOLTAIRE'S TWEETS
The big question on everybody's mind, of course, is what will it be like to live under a Chinese government? It's a deuced good question, but where do you get the answer?
Schools are understandably focused on adding more trailers for classrooms and trying to get the PTAs to shake more money out of broke parents. They don't have time for frivolous questions.
Books? Well, let's see what's on hand. We've got some graphic novels set in China. Would that help? And there's one here about zombie Mongols coming over the Great Wall. ... Hmmm... Here's one on polygamist zombie cheerleaders pulling rickshaws in Hong Kong, one of those "finding yourself" things, which has been a big hit with the tweens. Together, these should give you an idea of what it's like to live under a Chinese government, no?
You say you can't afford an eReader? Well, that's too bad. The bookstores have all closed, and the libraries that are still open just have computers for job seekers now.
But kidding aside, what really keeps us up at night is the question of Voltaire's tweets. Of course, we all know there's no such thing. Voltaire, that skinny French dude from the Enlightenment who wrote "Candide" and got in so much trouble pointing out things that desperately needed fixing, died long before the debut of the metaphysical King Solomon's Mines that is Twitter and tweets.
But Voltaire did write letters -- more than 15,000 of them, actually, to mistresses and cousins and friends and antagonists, and to some of the fellow brilliant minds of his day. He loved Pope, he admired Swift, he strove to learn Newton's theories, though he had little math. And he even wrote at least one opera (maybe more; we're still reading his bio), along with many plays and some other "tweets." His letters alone, along with a few from folks in his circle, run to 51 volumes.
CRUMBS FROM SHARP COOKIES FEED HUNGRY MINDS
Not long ago, collections of letters that had come from sharp cookies were feasts for people who liked to read and think and figure things out. The letters kept those "dead" minds from the past -- and ours in the present -- alive. Those voices and their worlds, so important for understanding ours, were never really dead as long as their letters were with us.
But there's no time to explain all that now. (No, we don't write letters, either.) So we'll just e-mail you a few quick lines that you can delete as soon as you read 'em. Oh, you don't have time to read e-mail anymore? OK, sorry. We'll just tweet. ... You don't have time for Twitter anymore? Text? No?
Well, how are we supposed to convey our message? It's pretty complex. ... Ah! Here's just the thing: O.O
Christine Durst and Michael Haaren are leaders in the work-at-home movement and advocates of de-rat-raced living. Their latest book is "Work at Home Now," a guide to finding home-based jobs. They offer additional guidance on finding home-based work at www.RatRaceRebellion.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
Having fruitlessly hunted for jobs for 10 years straight, these determined oldsters finally got on their bikes and went out looking for bottles and cans on the side of the road on the rumor that Walmart would redeem them for two cents each.
Although the rumor proved false, 17,999 people found piecework repairing bicycle tires, and one found a part-time job running a blog that explains to the few who still don't know it that the "green" movement we've heard so much about never really got started in the U.S.
"Look, nobody but one scruffy apartment complex in Brattleboro, Ver., and a couple of visiting Scandinavians actually recycles anything," he pointed out laconically.
So what's the bad news? Well, it's that Americans aren't necessarily getting dumber; it's just that we have no place to go to get smart.
SCHOOLS, BOOKS AND VOLTAIRE'S TWEETS
The big question on everybody's mind, of course, is what will it be like to live under a Chinese government? It's a deuced good question, but where do you get the answer?
Schools are understandably focused on adding more trailers for classrooms and trying to get the PTAs to shake more money out of broke parents. They don't have time for frivolous questions.
Books? Well, let's see what's on hand. We've got some graphic novels set in China. Would that help? And there's one here about zombie Mongols coming over the Great Wall. ... Hmmm... Here's one on polygamist zombie cheerleaders pulling rickshaws in Hong Kong, one of those "finding yourself" things, which has been a big hit with the tweens. Together, these should give you an idea of what it's like to live under a Chinese government, no?
You say you can't afford an eReader? Well, that's too bad. The bookstores have all closed, and the libraries that are still open just have computers for job seekers now.
But kidding aside, what really keeps us up at night is the question of Voltaire's tweets. Of course, we all know there's no such thing. Voltaire, that skinny French dude from the Enlightenment who wrote "Candide" and got in so much trouble pointing out things that desperately needed fixing, died long before the debut of the metaphysical King Solomon's Mines that is Twitter and tweets.
But Voltaire did write letters -- more than 15,000 of them, actually, to mistresses and cousins and friends and antagonists, and to some of the fellow brilliant minds of his day. He loved Pope, he admired Swift, he strove to learn Newton's theories, though he had little math. And he even wrote at least one opera (maybe more; we're still reading his bio), along with many plays and some other "tweets." His letters alone, along with a few from folks in his circle, run to 51 volumes.
CRUMBS FROM SHARP COOKIES FEED HUNGRY MINDS
Not long ago, collections of letters that had come from sharp cookies were feasts for people who liked to read and think and figure things out. The letters kept those "dead" minds from the past -- and ours in the present -- alive. Those voices and their worlds, so important for understanding ours, were never really dead as long as their letters were with us.
But there's no time to explain all that now. (No, we don't write letters, either.) So we'll just e-mail you a few quick lines that you can delete as soon as you read 'em. Oh, you don't have time to read e-mail anymore? OK, sorry. We'll just tweet. ... You don't have time for Twitter anymore? Text? No?
Well, how are we supposed to convey our message? It's pretty complex. ... Ah! Here's just the thing: O.O
Christine Durst and Michael Haaren are leaders in the work-at-home movement and advocates of de-rat-raced living. Their latest book is "Work at Home Now," a guide to finding home-based jobs. They offer additional guidance on finding home-based work at www.RatRaceRebellion.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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